"... My parents live in a ultra-orthodox Jewish community...
It wasn’t always this way...
Growing up, families were Jewish like us, that is to say, modern orthodox...
It doesn’t sound like a huge divide but it is..."
My parents live in a ultra-orthodox Jewish community. It wasn’t always this way. Growing up, families were Jewish like us, that is to say, modern orthodox. It doesn’t sound like a huge divide but it is
My parents live in a ultra-orthodox Jewish community. It wasn’t always this
way. Growing up, families were Jewish like us, that is to say, modern orthodox.
It doesn’t sound like a huge divide but it is. It’s the difference between women
wearing pants vs. women who will only wear calf-length skirts. The
ultra-orthodox women cover their hair with wigs so as not to turn on the men
around and modern orthodox women believe we’re not still living in Poland and
men are used to seeing women’s hair without getting turned on. I might be
oversimplifying. I actually have a lot of friends who cover their hair in front
of all men except their husband.
The point of modern orthodoxy is to preserve Jewish law (halacha) while living
and benefiting from the world around us. Those who are more ultra-orthodox
confine themselves to communities and schools which are secluded from everyone
else. It is two totally different outlooks on life but the amount we have in
common, i.e. the laws we both keep, are quite a lot.
Right now, we’re staying with my folks and so my dreams of taking my girls to
the local park and chatting with other moms have now been amended to chatting
with other moms who happen to be ultra-orthodox. Which is fine. It’s actually
been teaching me more tolerance. I find a lot of moms to be really great and
especially complementary about my girls. What could be bad?
Today I was in a great mood. The weather was crisp, sunny and invigorating. I
took a walk with the girls to the park and they were so excited to see the
swings they actually squealed. Cuteness.
After a while of playing we ended up on the swings and were at it for a bit when
I saw a man coming with his son. The man was clearly uncomfortable looking at me
(a floozy wearing jeans) but when I asked if they wanted a swing, he actually
answered me and was appreciative when I packed up my girls.
There we were: my girls in their stroller, me giving them a snack and the twins
looking at the boy and waving. The man turns to me and starts talking which was
surprising, but not unwelcome (I was getting starved for adult conversation as
we were the only ones in the park).
Ultra-Orthodox Man: Where are you from?
Me: (about to answer)
U-O Man: Are you from an agency or something?
Me: (What?)
And then it hit me- he thought I was their nanny. My mouth was poised to open
and start sputtering with how ignorant he was. Instead I got a hold of myself
and said very clearly, “I am their mother.”
To which he said, “Oh. Hahahahaha I’m sa-rry.” The giggle coupled with his
mispronunciation of the word “sorry” really didn’t sound very sorry at all.
He continued, “It’s just, my wife is having twins and I don’t know how she’s
going to manage. Uh- you’re a really good mother!”
I was totally fuming inside and very glad that I was wearing sunglasses so he
couldn’t see how he had got to me. I calmly turned the stroller around and
walked away. I came up with 10 great lines after I left so at least I have them
in my arsenal should that happen again because, clearly, this is not the first
time it’s happened.
And what was that about being a good mother?! Was he trying to take the sting
out of assuming I was their au pair? Or was he saying that I was as fun as a
nanny getting paid to watch someone else’s children?
If that were the case, I actually wouldn’t mind so much. I was being pretty fun
in the park, but still! I was so mad I couldn’t even appreciate all the lovely
foliage on the way home.
I thought of writing this post all day, each time getting more and more agitated
about it. Then I went to Shoprite and a woman in front of me was gathering her
bags and saw I was buying Yo-Baby’s. She reached into her bag and handed me a
coupon for them! How great is that? I was so thankful for the matter-of-fact way
she restored my faith in strangers.
The lesson of the day is, some people are really annoying and you should avoid
them at all costs. Others, you should make sure to stand behind when you’re
grocery shopping.
